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[traumatizing]

You've reached Terry Ward. I'm not here right now, leave a message and I'll get back to you.

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[text] 04/22; midday

[notahobby]

they fired sora

[traumatizing]

Holy shit.

How are you doing?

[notahobby]

shitty

j's a mess

[traumatizing]

You want me to come over?

[It feels kinda weird to ask instead of just being there, but after the other day...]

[notahobby]

[There's a pause as Maxxie stares at his phone and considers it. He does have his pride, but also he misses his boyfriend.]

yeah

[traumatizing]

I'll be there as soon as I can. Yours or the penthouse?

[notahobby]

penthouse

[traumatizing]

[He goes to see Jamie first, because Jamie is a disaster of a human being who'd vanish into nothingness just to avoid putting the burden of his feelings on anyone else. Sound familiar? When that's over though, Terry hesitates for what feels like about five years before he knocks on Maxxie's door.]

[notahobby]

[Maxxie opens the door after a moment, but once he's eye to with Terry he stands there hesitantly. He glances down at his feet and then frowns up at Terry pathetically.]

Can we not be fighting anymore?

[traumatizing]

[He's still a little hesitant, but Terry reaches out with a hand to pull Maxxie close enough to hug.]

I'm so sorry, Max.

[notahobby]

[Maxxie's not sure if the apology is for Sora or for the fight, be he accepts the hug anyway and presses his face into Terry's shoulder.]

All of this is so fucked up, Ter.

[traumatizing]

I know.

[He noses at Maxxie's hair and rubs his back.]

You wanna lie down?

[notahobby]

Yeah.

[He pulls away so he can take Terry to his old bed and lie down, cuddling up as soon as they're both horizontal.]

I just don't get why this keeps happening. He didn't do anything wrong.

[traumatizing]

[He has to bite down on the words in his mouth at that — there's a lot he could say to that, especially after what Baryl told him, but he doesn't want to start that fight back up. He just puts an arm around Maxxie and pulls himself close, rubbing Maxxie's back with another soft apology.]

[notahobby]

[Maxxie relaxes against Terry's chest, sniffling a little. He's already cried but now that Terry's here holding him it's a bit of an effort not to start up again. It's a little while before he can speak, and when he does he's hesitant, worried that Terry will get upset again.]

I'm sorry I got angry with you. I know there's shit going on, I just... I don't want it to be true.

[traumatizing]

I know, it's-- [He takes a deep breath.] I understand.

[And it's frustrating, but he can't get mad at Maxxie because of all that. It's not fair.]

We don't have to talk about it now.

[notahobby]

[He's on a roll now, turning his face out from Terry's shoulder so Terry can hear him clearer.]

I'm just scared, Ter. I've been... remembering stuff that's not mine. I can't handle all of it.

[traumatizing]

[Terry's not at all surprised about that, they haven't talked about it, but he'd assumed Maxxie was going through the same stuff they all have been. He lifts a hand to brush Maxxie's hair away from his eyes.]

Talk to me about it.

[notahobby]

[Maxxie takes a deep breath, bracing himself for how crazy he's about to sound. It's not as if all of this isn't crazy already, but Maxxie doesn't want to be the type of person who adds on.]

It's just... all these people, like friends and family and I know they're my friends and family but I don't recognize them. It's like a dream where you just accept it, but this keeps coming back and I think about them when I'm awake. And it all seems so normal, and from what I remember I was trying really hard to start dancing in musicals in London, but it was really hard. And I think about, if that's actually the life I'm supposed to have, isn't this... better? Why should I want to go back?

[He pauses, drifting off as his tone gets less convincing as he goes. He's not sure he does think this is better. Financially, maybe, and all those dreams he had can easily be fulfilled here, but with the way the label is treating them...]

[traumatizing]

It's-- We all have these memories. Ask anyone.

[Terry chews his lip, trying to think of the best way to say what's on his mind, and he sighs.]

There's nothing wrong with wanting this, it's just... Is this how you want it? You're scared all the time, Max. I can tell.

[notahobby]

[Maxxie considers this for a moment. He's scared to stay, sure, but he's scared to go too. It's hard to choose which might be the lesser of two evils from where he's standing.]

But what if I go back and I can't make it again? I've had this now and it makes me happy. And I've had...

[He sighs, trying to stead his voice.]

What if you're not part of it? I don't even know how all of this works but you aren't there in any of my memories.

[traumatizing]

You're not in mine either. Not... None of you are. Not even Yuffie.

[That last bit comes out with a huffed laugh, but it's not happy. He can't even imagine what a life without her constantly being a pain in the ass is like.]

[The look on his face is all at once tired and distressed, someone exhausted by the sheer weight of feeling this broken all the time. He combs his fingers through Maxxie's hair, trying to soothe the both of them just a little.]

I'll be honest, this is a lot fucking better than whatever life he-- Me-- I was living. But I can't live like this anymore either.

[notahobby]

So what are we supposed to do?

[He pulls his head away to look up at Terry.]

If we try to leave they'll hurt us. Worse than they already do.

[traumatizing]

I don't know.

[He shakes his head, frowning.] I wish I just knew what they want us for.

[notahobby]

[Maxxie brings his hand up to the side of Terry's face, brushing his hair back.]

I wanna know too, but I don't want you to get hurt trying to find out.